Inertia

I waste time every day and I don’t know why.



What am I so afraid of?  What do I keep putting off?  What am I afraid of accomplishing? 



It’s not like I set out to waste time; it simply slips away.  I have no respect for it.  I always thought that given free time I would fill it well.  When my days were busy working for others I had so many ideas and plans for how I would fill MY time when it finally became mine.  Now that my time is mostly my own, I have found that what I’m best at is wasting time.  I don’t know what to do with it.  Time scares me.  I tell myself I’m a perfectionist, but the more I try to spend my time perfectly, the quicker the minutes tick away into nothing.



My master procrastination skills are a big part of the problem.  I’ve read that the reason so many of us procrastinate is that we’re adrenaline junkies--that we’re addicted to the rush of accomplishing things at the last minute.  Because deadlines drive us only when they loom large.  So instead of doing things we procrastinate.  And if you think about it, procrastination is nothing more than waiting. 



I hate waiting. 



I hate waiting in lines, I have waiting on the phone, I hate waiting for food to heat up in the microwave.  Yet I procrastinate like a champ.  It makes no sense. 



To think of all the amazing things that can be accomplished in a day, an hour, a minute.  Instead I put it off.  And what do I have to show for it?  Nothing.



You know that dreadful feeling on Sunday afternoons when you realize that you don’t know where the weekend went?  Those precious two days you spent all week waiting for?  Gone.



I’m starting to feel that way all week.  That is scary.



I’ve got to stop waiting.  I’ve got to start right now.  Be in this moment.  Savor it.  Touch it.  Feel it.  Live it.



Because the days, they go by so fast.