Oh, how I'm starting to miss the days when I didn't know there was such a creature as a Wonderpet!
You see, even though my oldest son is two years old, I somehow managed to avoid children's television. "He refuses to watch! What can I do!" I would say as I raised my hands up in the air in mock exasperation and other mothers rolled their eyes behind my back.
This was based on the fact that one time when we were both deliriously sick from a daycare stomach virus (need I tell you that it is the worst kind to get?) and I was desperate for a break I turned on the television mid-morning and saw that the Teletubbies were on. "Aha!" I thought, "if I remember correctly, these creatures have a hypnotic effect on drag queens*. They should work on a toddler."
They didn't. And thus, I thought I was free from children't television forever - and I was, until I brought my second baby home and I had to breastfeed him. My first was not amused by this. He was jealous. He tried to nurse on my shoulder. I had to distract him or walk around with a hickey on my arm - so I turned on the TV. There was a little girl with a football-shaped head and a vacuous expression on her face. There was a monkey at her side. And people, he was naked except for a pair of red boots. I should have turned off the TV right then and there.
"Dora!" exclaimed my son. He sat down and watched, and because I was in the middle of nursing, I was forced to do the same.
I do not like Dora. Dora is a bossy little tirant. SNL totally nailed it on this sketch:
What I don't know is how my son knew who Dora is. Osmosis maybe?
Then we watched the Wonderpets. They're creepy - they're like moving paper dolls that can't pwonounce their Rs. Their "Teamwork!" song makes my ears bleed. And you know what? They're supposed to annoy you! It's true! It says so right there on the Nick Jr. site:
Like real preschoolers, these three unlikely heroes don't have any
actual super powers, but by working together they can conquer any
obstacle: "What's gonna work? Teamwork!"...Each episode is like a mini-opera with dialog often sung to an
original score by some of Broadway's top composers.
Did you read that? Each episode is a mini-opera! Sung by toddlers!
What's gonna give mommy a headache? TEAMWORK!
At least there's Sesame Street. I like Grover. He's clever, that Grover, AND he speaks without using contractions. I understand...it's a hard habit to break.
"I mean that hairwise, you are...somewhat...challenged." Ha! He cracks me up.
*OK, here's the backstory: I know that they work on drag queens because I once went to a party where one of the roommates was a flight attendant and drag queen. Unbeknownst to me, my friend David was a catty jerk. "Ladies!" he said to a roomful of, uh, guys: "I brought a girl! A real one." Funny! Except the host was not amused. You do not want a six foot-tall guy in platform heels and a red bouffant snarling at you. You just don't. So I complimented him on his eye makeup - which was truly spectacular. And then I joined the other "girls" who were sitting on the couch, watching Teletubbies at 3 AM. Of course, their interest may have been piqued by the sparkly beverages being served. Who knows? All I know is that I sometimes miss South Beach in the late 90's. It was fun.