(No, it's not just you. I can't believe I just typed that either.)
I drive a pretty big car -- A Honda Pilot.
(OK, I guess it's an SUV.)
I hate driving big cars. I hate parking them. I hate filling them up with gas. However, I have a growing family -- one with a car-pooling preschooler, a cute toddler, and that will soon include a third child who needs to be in a car seat. Did I mention that we're tall people? We are. As much as I hate to admit it, I need a bigger car.
At this stage of the game, I'm left with limited options. I could buy a crossover (with captain's chairs in the middle row so that we can actually reach the third row) or I could buy a minivan.
Just writing that makes me want to grab a gin martini and play some Nina Simone, but I can't do that because I'm pregnant. So I sit here on a Boppy (for the sciatica) sipping my mango juice and humming "Mysterious" by The Backyardigans, writing about how I'm too hip for a minivan, and yes, I do get the irony of the whole thing.
The only crossovers we could find were made by Chevy, GMC, and Buick. Notice a trend? Yes! They're all by General Motors! The company that's bankrupt for making unreliable cars? I've always bought boring old Japanese cars, and I can honestly tell you that the only times I see a mechanic is when I take the cars in for oil changes -- every couple of years or so. (Shh!) I have no desire to start a relationship with a mechanic a this stage in my life, but because I have an open mind, we went to GM dealers to check the cars out.
Have you been inside a car dealership lately? It's very, very depressing.
However! The scruffy Chevy salesman still had the balls to tell me that the Chevy Traverse is a great "girl car" AND then he took my husband out back for a little talk, about what, I don't know. Probably about how "girls" aren't welcome at Chevy dealers? And, hey! Let's take a look at our shiny Camaros? My husband kept looking back at me nervously, because he knew I was pissed AND he knew that it was over. Because I'm a mean "girl."
Despite all of this, we went to a GMC/Buick dealer. The Buick Enclave is a pretty nice looking car. The GMC Acadia is exactly the same, but a little less attractive. I asked the salesman which one of the two models would survive GM's reorganization.
He didn't know.
I asked him if the Enclave came in Diamond White.
He said that all he has is the one they had in stock, take it or leave it.
He said he was serious, because the factories were shutting down for the summer.
And that was the end of that.
So! Off we went to minivan-land. I live in New England, so I have to have 4WD or I will not leave the house for six months. That leaves one choice: The Toyota Sienna.
We go to the "largest Toyota dealer in New England!" and tell them we want to test drive a Sienna.
He tells us we're out of luck.
Turns out, there's a waiting list to even buy a minivan. They're sold out until the fall. Let me repeat: MINIVANS ARE THE HOTTEST VEHICLE OUT THERE. You can wave all the cash you want in their faces, and they can't sell you one.
So I can't have one. And of course, that means that now I really want one. The sliding doors! The remote entry! The storage!
What has happened to me? Help me.