My Landlady Is Crazier Than Yours

We're still renters.  Yes, we are aware that housing prices are going down - so much so that the desperation in realtor's eyes is making me feel sorry for them.

I kid!  Of course not!  Seller's agents are evil, everybody knows that.

But I'm not going to discuss the ridiculousness of the Boston real estate market and the sorry state of most of the housing stock - especially in the "desirable" W towns.  Maybe another time.  Instead, I will tell you about how stupid it is to live right below your landlady.  Because it is all levels of stupid.  If there is one thing I want you to remember from this entry it is this:


Our landlady, a crochety 70 year-old woman who I'll call Vera, is crazy.  She talks to us as if we were her good-for-nothing children who won't move out of the house - despite the fact that we hand her a huge check every month.  She pleads poverty (did I mention the large sums of money she receives from us every month?) even as her 2 story apartment is getting remodeled.  Whenever we bring up issues with our apartment - the kind of things normal tenants talk to their landlords about - she tells us that her children wish they could live as well as us.  Mind you, her children are unemployed (by choice, I suspect), and we are not.  This is why we can afford to pay the rent, you see.   (Am I bitter?  Well, yes, I am.)  Also, she knew that I was pregnant before I told her that I was.  I don't want to think about how she found out.  I pretend that she is psychic and leave it at that.

Vera does not have many friends, and her children stay the hell away from her.  This would be sad, except that she instead calls me for all sorts of crazy reasons, like asking me if I know whether she locked her front door. Or this:

Ring! Ring!

Me:  (After looking at caller ID and a long sigh)  Hello, Vera.

Vera:  Oh, Hi.  It's Vera from upstairs.

Me:  Yes.  I know.

Vera:  I'm calling to see if you have any electric things running in your apartment.

Me:  (Huh?)  Excuse me?

Vera:  I need to know if you have any electric things running in your apartment.

Me:  You mean things that plug into the electric outlets?

Vera:  Yes.

Me:  Of course I do.  Why?

Vera:  That explains it!  What do you have running?

Me:  Vera?  What does it explain?

Vera:  There's a strange hissing sound in my apartment, and I believe it is caused by some electrical appliance in your apartment.  So what's running?

Me:   Vera.  We have all sorts of electrical things running in our apartment at any point in time.  The computer runs on electricity.  So does the fridge.  And the lightbulbs!  Why, this very phone works precisely because it is plugged into an electric socket!  I won't give you an inventory of all the electrical things we are using.  Use your imagination.

Vera:  (Silence)

Vera:  That reminds me...can I borrow a can opener?  I'm having tuna fish for lunch.

Talk about a non-sequitur.   

Seriously.  We pay for this.