Variations on a Theme

My toddler says the most adorable things, I swear. 

While I'm convinced of his brilliance and wit (I am his mother after all) I also realize that a lot of the time what is adorable is not necessarily what he says, but how he says it.

For instance, Sebastian's latest expression is "Oh my goodness!"- it's adorable because it's the kind of thing I imagine a prim schoolmarm would say but then he says it like the toddler he is,  "Oh my guuuudness, Mama!  I drop my milk!"

You have to hear it in person to fully appreciate the cuteness.  Trust me.

Last night, we were in the car with my brother and sister-in-law and I wanted them to hear for themselves just how cute he sounds when he says it.

"Sebi,"  I said. "Can you say 'oh my goodness' for Rudy and Evelyn?"

A little voice pipes up from his car seat, "F*CK!"

Everyone in the car sat in stunned silence.  We've all heard about positive reinforcement blah, blah, blah, so we ignored him. 

Still, I shot my husband a dirty look.

"Um...I got lost in Cambridge once, and I forgot he was in the backseat," he said.  I could tell this wasn't necessarily his proudest moment in parenting.

"F***ck!  F*ck-f*ckety-f*ckety f*ck f*ck!  F*ck!  F*ck!  Freaking f*cking f*ck!  Faaaack!"

Sebastian paused and looked out the window at the lights on Newbury street.  You could hear the muffled laughter by now but we couldn't help ourselves.  He continued with his monologue without ever looking at us.

"Oh f*ck.  F*cking f*ck! F*ckety-f*ck! F***ck!  F*cking f*ckers!"

I was about to pee my pants at this point.  My husband gained a bit of composure and tried to defend himself: 

"Come on!  Have you ever tried to drive in Cambridge without navigation?"

(It didn't take very long to get some strange Google searches - so I added the asterisks, but you get the idea.)