It has been six weeks since Benjamin arrived - and it has taken almost as long for things to get back to normal. I don't know why I say normal, because of course, normal today is completely different than it was before we had two kids What I can say is that our new normal is good - very good.
After the first weeks of the multiple tortures of relearning how to nurse (nursing a newborn feels like being stabbed by dozens of little daggers), dealing with a jealous and potentially dangerous older brother, and of course, sleep deprivation, we are finally reaching the point where I can feel our brand-new family of four coming together. We've figured out how to get everybody fed at more or less the same time, leaving the house doesn't take all morning, and I've even managed to go to the grocery store with both kids on my own. Imagine that! Despite my anxiety, the earth did not stop spinning on its axis. Everything was fine.
Things are good. Sebastian is past merely tolerating his new brother - he's actually a big help - letting me know when Benjamin is crying in his bassinet and getting a pacifier for Benjamin if I take too long to get to him. Newborns are much easier when you have a pint-sized assistant ready to help.
I'm also over the guilt I felt when we brought Benjamin home. Everytime I gave Benjamin attention it felt like I was cheating on Sebastian. So I gave Sebastian extra attention, which in turn made me feel guilty for neglecting Benjamin, who is so little and probably needed my attention more than his older brother anyways. That, my friends, is how one goes crazy. Once I realized that there is no such thing as spending too much time with one child over another I was able to relax and enjoy both of them more than I ever thought would be possible.
Now we are four. And we like it.